Where Logic Meets Love

Conceptualizing the Future

Sunday, May 24, 2009

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Conceptualizing the Future | Faith Permeating Life
The weather's starting to settle in a nice low 70s range, so I put the cushions on the porch swing on our back deck and have starting bringing my computer out here. It makes me feel like I'm at least getting out of the house somewhat :)

I'm starting to feel like every time I submit a job application, it's just going into a big black hole. I haven't gotten so much as a phone call from a single place I've applied. I'm trying to remind myself that this doesn't mean it's worthless to apply to jobs, because how else am I going to get one? I hate that everyone says it's "who you know." Because I don't really know anyone who is doing anything remotely related to what I want to do. And the two connections I made, the companies aren't hiring, even though I'd apparently be perfect for the positions they would have if they were hiring.

I told everyone that if I wasn't hired by the time I graduated, I'd freelance until I found a job. I think I was banking too much on the one company that said they'd put me in their freelance rotation -- I haven't heard anything from them, either. I should be going after more freelance jobs, probably, but I spent a solid two weeks trying to track down a single freelance job last summer with no success, and I figure that with all the layoffs going on right now, any company that wants a freelancer can pick from a pool of experienced laid-off copyeditors.

Except for saving up money, I don't really need to find a job until right before Mike and I are married. And honestly, I'm enjoying this time off right now. It's allowing me to do things I didn't have time to do before, like trace our whole family tree, organize my entire music library, and learn -- really learn -- the Chicago Manual of Style. I'm also planning to write an article based on my master's thesis findings and print/compile all of my and Mike's digital pictures from all of college into photo albums (over Christmas break, we ordered, labeled, and put into albums all his pictures from birth to the summer after high school graduation). My mom also reminded me that a lot of my friends who graduated last year with jobs more or less lined up still didn't start work until July, August, or even October.

Mike and I have our Natural Family Planning class today. I'm really nervous, which is stupid. Because I already know a lot about it and have been charting my cycles forever, we're doing an Update class, so it'll probably be all couples who have been practicing NFP for a while now. And even though I've been charting for two years, I've never been forced to make any decisions based on my charts, like, can we have sex now? The upside, I suppose, is that we'll get to hear the challenges and strategies of couples who know what they're doing.

I haven't been able to think about life beyond the wedding yet because I haven't been able to picture what it will be like. I don't know where we'll be living. I don't know what I'll be doing every day. I can't mentally construct a future life for us out of nothing, so I can't conceptualize anything different than how things are right now. Mike and I are basically living together now since we're both living with my parents, so the only difference is we'll get to sleep together, but I can't even picture where that will be since we don't have a bed yet!


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