A Love Letter to Kate [Drop a Love Bomb]
Friday, October 21, 2011Tweet
This post is part of a Love Bomb Mission to send love to Kate, who is suffering from depression. Remind Kate that she is loved and join the mission.
You don't know me, but I heard you're having a rough time right now. And not everyone in your life understands how you're feeling. It really, really sucks when people aren't as loving and supportive as they should be. But hey -- there's a whole team of people out there, people you don't even know, who want you to know that you deserve every bit of love you'll let us offer to you.
I'm not going to pretend that I understand what depression feels like. But I will tell you that I understand the lie that you have to do everything and be everything to everyone, and manage it with a smile on your face.
I've had points in my life where I was so incredibly overwhelmed with all of the things on my plate that I wanted to make it all go away at once -- call it quits and go hide in a cave somewhere, or go to bed and refuse to get up until all of my responsibilities vanished. Why? Because I felt like I wasn't allowed to have a crack in the image that I showed to everyone. I felt like I either had to keep up the image or have a massive meltdown in which it shattered in front of everyone.
But really? That's a lie.
Everyone has cracks. Everyone has times when they have to call it quits on one thing or another, where they have to just hand this thing off to someone else, do a less-than-perfect job on this other thing, and take a day off work for no "real" reason.
And what I've found is that the people who are really good at this -- the people who stand up and say, "You know what? Sorry, everyone, but I have to take care of myself first." -- other people admire them.
(Not everyone admires them, of course. Were you going for everyone? Because there are some freakin' crazy people out there. Also some angry, hateful, bitter, spiteful, nasty, insecure people. And they're going to be that way no matter what you do. They suck. But their opinions are not important. Honest.)
What I've found is that the solutions that spring to mind first are the most outlandish: "I'm going to quit my job." "I'm going to just drive away and never come back." "I'm going to quit all of my activities." But I don't really want to do any of those things. I just need some breathing room, to scale things back enough that I don't feel suffocated and panicked all the time. And when I do, I feel better.
There are many people in your life who love you, Kate. I know there are. And all they care about, really, is wanting you not to hurt so much. They are not going to think terrible things about you if you take the small steps you need to take to get yourself out of your black hole. They are not going to judge you if you need to drop a few courses or cut back your hours at work or go into inpatient treatment for your depression. If that's what helps you, that is what matters.
No matter what you do, there will always be people who don't understand. But there will always be people who understand, too. And there are, right now, more people than you can even imagine sending you their love and praying that you will take good care of yourself.
It's OK to be "that girl," like you said, who needs a little help. We may not all have depression, but we all need a little help sometimes. That's why God gave us other people.