It's the end of February (already!), which means it's time to share my favorite comments from the month!
I have a lot and some of them are quite long, so I'm not going to include my responses this time, but I'm linking back to the original post so you can find my replies there. If you don't usually take the time to read the comments, check these out and know that there are many more great comments than I was able to include. I am blessed to have a lot of intelligent, articulate, insightful readers!
And don't forget to link up at the end if you share your favorite comments on your own blog!
On The Stigma of "Smart": In Defense of Gifted Education, Mórrígan said:
This is a big part of why I want to home school my kids. I don't feel that the classroom model really encourages growth or social skills (the biggest criticism against homeschooling) very well. In no situation in my adult life, outside of school, do I find myself stuck in a room with 20 other people my exact age (and probably ethnicity and socioeconomic status). I feel like it's counter-intuitive to try to make a large number of people of any age learn at the exact same rate. I think that the idea of a classroom-free school would go a long way to helping each young person learn at their own rate.
There were a lot of great comments on Are You a Micro-Manager or a Teach-a-Man-to-Fish-er?:
Melbourne on my mind said:
I can't stand micromanagers. I've had a couple of them at different jobs, and it's a nightmare. Especially as I sat next to them both times. It was amazing how the team dynamic changed when they weren't around - everyone was much happier and everything got done in half the time!
Our concert band conductor used to use the same theory as your awesome choir conductor - she'd start us off, and then leave the room to check that we could keep going without her, and to see how it sounded. And I'm pretty sure that's part of the reason that we got gold shields in the Melbourne School Band Competition a bunch of times - she gave us the knowledge that we COULD do it ourselves, and that it wasn't all about her.
I try to be the same with my niece, partly because I think it's good for her, and partly because her mother is most DEFINITELY a helicopter parent! *shudder*
As a teacher I find there are certain students who need to be "micro-managed" as they grow and develop habits in self-control, responsibility, attention and obedience. However, as they develop these habits, I really try to stand back and let them see the natural consequences for their actions, even if it is painful - so painful sometimes! It hurts, but I know I'm helping them in the long run.
I wish I could say I was that good at home with the hubby. Sometimes I nag...but sometimes it's the only way he will do something. If I ask something once and don't stand and wait for him to start it...well, I'll be waiting awhile. He has good intentions, but can easily be sidetracked. What I've realized is I need to make sure I'm saying "please" with requests. I didn't realize I stopped doing that with him, and one day he told me he says "please" way more than I do. So, I've made a conscious effort to say it EVERY time. And you know what? It's working more effectively than nagging. Sometimes one word can go a long way.
I think about this a lot. I think about that often I can slip into treating my husband like one of my fourth grade students! My default is definitely a micromanager, but when I stop and think about how my husband is not, in fact, one of the ten-year-olds who I normally spend my days with, I let go and choose my battles. It's definitely made things better in our home! (And as always, I love your posts--they always seem to resonate with me so much!)
On Don't Try to Tell Me What I Want for Valentine's Day, Lozzz123 said:
I think you make some excellent points! I think it's also important to have a discussion with your partner about how their family does holidays/gifts and what they've been used to growing up. My husband's family gives money for most occasions, and so he was very shocked one year when he got me money for my birthday and I burst into tears! I was very upset at the time because in my family chosing personalised presents means thoughtfulness. Eventually I realised he didn't actually do anything wrong there because I never told him what I was expecting!
Now I just tell him what I'd like (e.g. I said for Valentine's day I would like flowers and a card but he doesn't need to get anything else) and it saves a lot of hassle on both ends.
On Why the SAHM vs. WOHM Debate Is Stupid -- and Inaccurate, 'Becca said:
I agree!! Being interested in parenting and cooking, I often find myself reading SAHM blogs that carry the false dichotomy to quite an extreme of self-justification and WOHM-bashing. But at times in my real life (usually not online) I also talk with WOHMs who are dismissive of SAHMs. Argh.
A topic I've been meaning to write about for years now is (briefly) this: In the 1970s, my feminist activist SAHM had a T-shirt that said, EVERY MOTHER IS A WORKING MOTHER. It's true, caring for children *is* real work! I agree with that sentiment so strongly that when I'm not using abbreviations I say "employed mother" rather than "working mother" to refer to those who have paid jobs. (Same for fathers.) But these days, I want to tell the world, EVERY MOTHER IS A FULL-TIME MOTHER. I feel sick when I hear the term "full-time mother" used to refer to SAHMs because it implies that I am not a mother when I am at my job--and I know that I am. "Full-time homemaker" is fine; you can call me a "full-time data analyst" because that's what I do 40 hours a week, and I hope that most homemakers do not spend much more than 40 hours a week actually on-task doing housework. But I am a mother all the time. My father was employed 40-70 hours a week throughout my childhood, yet I would never, ever call him a "part-time father."
Of course, I realize "stay-at-home mother" is not a particularly accurate term for many...but I don't think I've heard anyone feeling offended by it, just laughing about how it seems they really spend their time everywhere else!
And finally, on A Practical Guide to Prioritizing Your Life, Vonae Deyshawn said:
Wow, this is defininetly a great way to prioritize your life and time. I can totally relate to the taking on one more thing at church because your expected to. I have to daily decide what I'm going to sign my name to. I'm such a yes yes I'll do it type of person that I realized I was getting burnt out. At one point I didn't want to do anything at all but then decided I would stick to things that aligned with my life goals. Like helping women live their best life. For me, when they asked me to help with women's ministry I said yes because it's something I'm passionate about. I guess it's just that, only picking the things we're passionate about and then saying no to the others. I'm happy I found your blog on Twitter! Happy writing!
Thanks to everyone who takes the time to contribute to the discussions here! Your thoughts are always appreciated.