Where Logic Meets Love

What Marriage Means to Me: Kathy

Monday, February 20, 2012

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This week's What Marriage Means to Me post comes from Kathy of That's What She Said. Kathy and I recently discovered that we are both proud Nerdfighters! Kathy shares how marriage didn't change her relationship with her husband, but it made other people take it more seriously. She also included lots of pictures, so enjoy!

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I've been trying to decide exactly how to explain how I feel about marriage ever since I heard about this series. I feel like my views on marriage are somewhat unconventional and I don't want to come off sounding harsh or like I'm criticizing anyone else's views on marriage.

What Marriage Means to Me: Kathy | Faith Permeating Life

Christian and I have been married for almost two years. We are happy to be married and to be sharing our lives together. But our relationship hasn't really been any different since we've gotten married. We were together for five years before we tied the knot. Now, there have been conflicts and issues and good things that have changed our relationship over the past two years, but I don't really think that getting married was one of those things.

What Marriage Means to Me: Kathy | Faith Permeating Life

Christian and I lived together before we were married. We shared a bank account and all our finances. We spent holidays with both sides of our families. And I really considered him a part of my family long before he officially became a part of it. By the time we graduated from college, we knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, and getting married didn't change that either.

What Marriage Means to Me: Kathy | Faith Permeating Life

For me, there were two major reasons for getting married. The first is my family. As much as my family supported our relationship by the time we got engaged, many of them didn't accept how committed we were to each other. We were constantly criticized for living together, making life decisions together, and sharing our finances. For example, I was constantly given job listings in cities other than where Christian and I were planning to live. Whenever I expressed this as an issue, I was blown off by, "You shouldn't put living with your boyfriend ahead of finding a job." And we were already engaged with a wedding date set at that time. And I knew they would never suggest that I move away from my husband for a random job. Christian and I knew that we would be together forever, but my family wouldn't accept that unless it was made official.

What Marriage Means to Me: Kathy | Faith Permeating Life

The second reason is the government. Unless you're married, you can't share benefits, like health insurance. And after college, there were (and still are) periods of time where one of us didn't have a job with good benefits and depended on the other for health insurance and the like. Once again, we just needed to make things official.

What Marriage Means to Me: Kathy | Faith Permeating Life

While I was engaged, people used to ask me all the time if I was nervous about getting married. I never really understood how I could be. Nothing was changing for us except that our feelings and commitment to each other would be official. We didn't get married to bring on a new level of our relationship; we felt like family long before we were husband and wife.

What Marriage Means to Me: Kathy | Faith Permeating Life

So I guess my point here is that even though we had a lovely wedding and it was nice to celebrate our love with our family and friends that way, the major reason I wanted to get married was to make the relationship we already had official in the eyes of everyone else. But don't get me wrong, I love being married to Christian very much.

What Marriage Means to Me: Kathy | Faith Permeating Life

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Kathy is a Nerdfighter and proud of it. She loves to travel and has been to 5 of the 7 continents. Harry Potter is one of her biggest obsessions. She likes reading, video games, and TV. She is currently unable to work outside of her home because of her anxiety disorder and neck injury, so she spends her days blogging and vlogging and working on her Etsy shop. You can find her at That's What She Said!

3 comments:

  1. I like your perspective!

    Unless you're married, you can't share benefits, like health insurance.
    This isn't a universal truth. It depends on your employer. Mine offers domestic partner benefits. My partner used to work for a small start-up that offered health insurance ONLY for employees; no family plan. So we each had our own insurance, and when we had a baby I put him on mine. When my partner was laid off, we set up the domestic partner benefits, which involved filling out some forms and submitting proof that we lived at the same address and 2 or 3 things from a list of about 8-10 options--we don't have a joint checking account and didn't have to because we had some of the other options, like a mortgage and medical power of attorney and being beneficiaries of each other's life insurance and a joint credit card and safe-deposit box.

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  2. @'Becca
    I thought you'd like this one :) Thanks for sharing your experience!

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  3. @'Becca Thanks. I had no idea that was possible, that's really great that some companies offer those benefits.

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