At the end of every month, I share my favorite comments from that month's posts, and you're invited to do the same and link up below!
This month felt a little all over the place between interviewing for several jobs, negotiating a job offer, and going on vacation for a week and a half. But I still managed to get posts up twice a week and was rewarded with the excellent comments you all shared on them. Here are some of the comments that stood out to me!
I made a list of everything I'd done since leaving my last job in What Does Three Months of Unemployment Look Like?
LL reflected on a similar experience:
I went through a similar period last summer when we moved for my husband's job. We initially thought I would take some time and really figure out what I wanted to do, but after a few weeks I was already antsy! I volunteer twice a week at a charity thrift store and ended up being in the right place at the right time when an administrative job with the organization became available. My span of joblessness was right around 3 months and, in retrospect, I wish I had done more with it! I went on a lot of long walks, and I started meal planning and cooking a lot more. I also got more into couponing and started my blog! So it wasn't a total waste, but now that I don't have that time I wish I had been more intentional about using it well.
And Lozzz123 is planning for the future:
Once I finish my PhD thesis (hopefully in December) I have no idea what will be next, but several months of unemployment is quite a high probability. I'm glad you accomplished so much - hopefully I'll remember this in a couple of months if I'm unemployed so I'm productive instead of bored and worried!
Then I refuted the idea that living together before marriage is required in The Fallacy of the Relationship "Trial Run", and many of you agreed.
So many things that simple, honest communication throughout a relationship would help. It's like a revolutionary notion that a philosopher suggests at a scholarly conference or something, "What if ... people talked to each other?!"
If you're even considering marrying someone, why wouldn't you have a conversation, even just out of curiosity, about who's neat and who's messy? About who does and doesn't like to cook or clean or balance the checkbook?
More and more I think that this is the thing that is most lacking in sex education: relationship education.
Queen of Carrots added:
You can find out what kind of a roommate a person will be by rooming with them. But marriage is first of all about commitment, and the only way you can test a person's commitment is through being committed; rooming with them won't give you any information at all.
And yes . . . most of the things that will drive you batty ought to be pretty obvious whether or not you live with someone, if you just take some time to observe, think, and talk. People have shaken their heads because DOB and I had spent less than six weeks actually physically around each other prior to marriage (very long-distance relationship), but there really weren't any big surprises once we were married--just the usual adjustments of two people trying to make a life together.
The two biggest questions ought to be: Are both people willing to grow and change? And do they care enough about each other to keep working at it? Because if you want to know if the other person has quirks that will drive you batty, I can tell you the answer right now: Absolutely.
And 'Becca was amazed people were even making this argument:
As a long-term unmarried cohabitor, I find it shocking that anybody thinks it's wise to learn about each other's suitability BY living together rather than discussing it BEFORE deciding to live together. Daniel and I had many discussions about issues like who is willing to do which chore, who needs a private room (he does and I don't, so we have "his den" and "our bedroom," and my desk and such are in the bedroom), at what point it's necessary to call and say you'll be home late, how to approach room decorating, etc. It was only because our answers were so compatible that we decided to live together. When we did, there were very few surprises, and the conflicts that did come up could be resolved by discussion and compromise, as you say.
I certainly wouldn't argue that living together before marriage is REQUIRED to have a healthy, happy marriage. Looking at either the people I know or the demographic statistics, it's obvious that isn't the case. Some couples never get married, some get married immediately, and some transition from unmarried cohabitation to marriage, but that isn't a variable that determines the quality of their relationship.
I announced my new job, and the difficult decision it entailed, in Loving My Job vs. Making More Money: Round 2.
Melbourne on My Mind understood my decision:
Congratulations on the new job!!! I would definitely take the job doing what I loved over the job that paid more. I've been in the situation of having a job that pays quite well (given what the job required), and I hated every second of it. I worked with great people, the job had certain perks to it, and the money was good. But I was SO. FREAKING. BORED.
I've also been in the position of doing a job I loved for not very much money. And sure, the money side of things sucked. But I was still able to save about $1000 a month, and my job made me happy.
Hopefully in the future I can find a balance of the two!
And perfectnumber628 got why it was difficult:
Very cool- I like how you thought everything through and explained it and especially focused on what's important to you and why- instead of just some simple "money vs doing a job I love" dilemma, implying that wanting money is ALWAYS BAD AND EVIL and should never be a motivation for anything. The reality is much more complicated that, and is going to depend on the situation.
I'm happy for you, finding a job you love! Good luck!
Finally, I shared 5 More Free Things I Use Every Day (a follow-up to 10 Free Things I Use Every Day), and Nikkiana suggested a site I've since started using:
Illuum (http://illuum.com) comes to mind. It's a mood tracking website. I go in every day and rank my mood that day on a scale of 1-9, and provide a short description of what happened that day, plus you can add questions about things you might want to track your feelings or progress with over time.
I'm starting my new job tomorrow (eek!), so November may be light on posts as I get used to my new schedule. But I have lots of ideas queued up and am looking forward to sharing them with you and hearing your great thoughts!
P.S. I have been getting relentlessly hit with spam comments (like, every five minutes), so I've turned Captcha back on for now. Sorry to everyone who hates it!